Dear Bruh,

Dear Bruh,

I understand that, for you, going to the gym is a great time to bro out with your bro force and out-bro one another.  I get that, for you, it’s of vital importance to exclaim whilst occupying the chest press, “Bruh!  I can do four sets of 15 reps at 85 pounds” and then hear if your bros can out do you.  Naturally, you will dispute their claim when they state they can do 4 sets of 50 reps at 100 pounds” (I would too.  Their arms and shoulders don’t look like they can do 2X20X50).  I get this.  But please, BRO OUT SOMEWHERE ELSE!!!  While you’ve been sitting at the machine for 10 minutes lying to your bros, you haven’t done a damn thing.  I need that machine.  I will actually use that machine. 

Give me two minutes on the blasted thing, and then you can go back to lying to your bros while sitting on the press like the selfie taking, bench warmer you clearly are. I’m only recently retuning to the gym scene after a long absence, but I have quickly compiled a list of Dos and Don’ts  (mostly don’ts) for the gym.  

1: If you’re going to superset on multiple machines – don’t hog all the machines!  If the machine you want is occupied, move on the next machine like the rest of us, or find an alternative.  Don’t scatter your crap about all the machines you want and put them in a holding pattern.  There’s one leg press and a dozen or so people who may want to use it at any given time.  If it’s part of your superset, and you’re currently doing barbell squats, don’t put your sweat rag on the leg press bench to reserve it while you finish your squats. 

2: Continuing with the leg press: do clean up after yourself.  When you’re done your set, take the

weights off.  Its super annoying when I’m finally able to get on to the press and I have to take 150+ pounds off the damn thing so that I can put my weights on.  Listen.  Not all of us are able to/want to do 150+ pound presses.  I’m only at 70 pounds, and I don’t plan to exceed 100.  My legs are plenty strong and decently toned.  I don’t need to add more weights and look like I’m about to enter a strong man competition.  If that’s what you want, all the more power to you, but clean up after your damn self. I ain’t your mama. 

3: Don’t horde the dumbbells.  Unless you have hands so big that it makes Lou Ferrigno’s hands look about as big as Trumps, there’s no reason for you to have 84 pairs of dumbbells.  Again, you’re supersetting, I get it.  But I mean seriously.  The gym I go to has three sets of weights as well as kettle balls, and literally everyone who had the one pair of weights I needed had multiple pairs of dumbbells at their feet.  What the hell?  I, too, would like to do my sets.  I don't want to be the person who runs to the trainers crying "teacher! that cross fitter's hogging all the weights" but a girl's about to get desperate here.

4: If someone’s signed up for a cardio machine from 6:15 – 6:45 and its 6:44 and you can clearly see that they have a minutes and 44 seconds left, don’t tap them on their shoulder and shout “Are you getting off at 6:45 or what?!” Lady, chill! Not everyone’s watches are synchronized to your watch.  Do some stetches, and let them finish their cooldown. Don’t tap on their sweaty shoulders and do your best hen impression.  That just isn’t cool.

5: If you’re going to do some stretches while you’re waiting for your machine to free up, don’t do it right in front of the machine you’re waiting for.  That’s totes awkward, and it’s going to make the petty in me shine.  I’m middle child; no one does passive aggressive better than a middle child.  You are ill equipped, you will lose this petty match up.

 

All in all, whatever our reasons, whatever our motivations, we’re all there to improve ourselves.  Whether that’s our intent or not, that will be the end result.  DBAD, and make what may already be a really difficult experience for some to just SHOW UP, even more difficult.  Recognize that even though you’re here with your bros, and you’re having a good time bro-ing out, you’re not the only ones here.

 

How Can I Help?

As I get inundated/inundate myself with much of the news that’s being discussed around water coolers, gyms, dinner tables, and Facebook walls throughout the world relating to the new Trump administration, I am often sitting here thinking to myself, “how can I help effect change?”

How can I make life safer for my community of amazing people around the world, and in the US in particular?

Being in Canada, how can I lend a hand and show solidarity to those in the US who I love that are part of the black community, the Muslim community, the First Nations community, the LGBT+ community, the community of women, the community of teachers, the middle class and the unemployed, and all the other countless amazing communities that are out there right now who are hurting, crying, afraid, and desperate? 

What can I do, beyond my deluge of social media posts, to bring about awareness and social change to those who may not agree with me but are willing to listen?

I’m honestly asking here, because I simply don’t know.

I feel exasperated and hamstrung in my ineffectiveness. I have signed petitions that have led to nowhere but made me feel good for a minute.  I have engaged with trolls (and those who are in a quasi-trolly mood, but aren’t really trolls, they’re just feeling like they’re not being heard so they act like trolls which make people not want to hear them and so they act MORE like trolls) in the comments section.  I have donated to various causes.  I have cheered on my friends who have put jobs/friendships on the line to protest this tyrannical administration.  I have done all of this from the comfort of my home.  I haven’t actually DONE anything.  I just clicked a few buttons, tapped a few keys, and mentally patted myself on the back for being a good person.

There was a vigil today to grieve with the local Muslim community in the wake of yesterday’s mass shooting in Quebec.  Mass shootings are an anomaly in Canada; they happen so rarely happen that the entire nation is rocked to its very core (this is the fourth mass shooting since 2014).  Sadly, it wasn’t until after the vigil ended that I found out about it so I wasn’t able to attend.  There’s a subsequent one on Saturday that I will be out of town for, so again, I can’t attend.  So again, I sit here frustrated in my inactivity. 

I see way too many parallels between this new Trump administration and the rise of the Nazi regime and it scares me.  Not in the *excuse me as I attempt to type like Kim K sounds* “like, omg those poor, like... people” kind of scared.  But in the “Holy shit, maybe those crazy Preppers are on to something, and we need to seriously consider making a bug out bag.” kind of scared.  I genuinely fear that we are witnessing Nazi Germany 2.0 in the making, and I am equally terrified that as loud as everyone is about speaking out against this horrific scene developing, we aren’t being loud enough.  The poem “First They Came...” has been running through my head in a constant loop for over a week now. 

I want and need to speak for the Socialists, and the Trade Unionists, and Jews... because soon, someone will need to speak for me.  I am terrified that the meager things I have done have amounted to nothing, and I as good as silent. 

I need to go look at puppies and baby sloths, because...

 

I feel my zen coming back a bit...

OMG they’re in a bucket!

How is he even real <3

Awww, he’s tired

Let’s just end this here
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