The evils of Wal-Mart

So yesterday, I posted a status on my Facebook.  It was "Wal-Mart + Labour Day = Really Bad Idea!!"  It was unbelievably busy there, yesterday!  It was like it was Boxing Day there.  Busier, in fact! Unfortunately it was unavoidable because I had a prescription that needed filling and Wal-Mart is the cheapest option.   To the uninitiated, Facebook has this feature that will sometimes show you your status (or a friends' status) from exactly a year ago.  I put that post up to A) Warn people to stay away from Wal-Mart that day, to save them a headache and B) To serve as a reminder in case I or my partner gets a thought to go to Wal-Mart next year on Labour Day to stay the hell away.

Turns out this status was incredibly controversial. A well meaning friend of mine took issue with the fact that we spend our money at a place like Wal-Mart.  Other friends, and myself, defended our decisions to shop there.  It wound up being rather heated, so I thought that maybe this is worth a blog post.

I don't think too many people actually like to shop at Wal-Mart.  So often, I see friends posting on their Facebook that they have to go shopping at Wal-Mart and ask us to wish them luck.  Alternatively, I will see posts where they returned from Wal-Mart and they're asking themselves (on Facebook) just what they were thinking going there.  I imagine, if people actually enjoyed shopping at Wal-Mart, the website People of Wal-Mart wouldn't be nearly as popular.  You don't see websites like People of Superstore, People of Sears, People of Zellers.  Shopping at Wal-Mart carries a certain social stigma.

We all know, that Wal-Mart is more concerned with lining their coffers than they are with supporting fair trade, local businesses, ethical business practices.  We all know this.  The fact of the matter is: due to the current financial climate, aforementioned questionable/unethical business practices of big box stores, inability to work/find work, etc. many of us are in a position where we need to weigh our need to support our family and make every dollar stretch as far as possible with our need to stand on ethical/moral high ground.  When you're living from paycheque to paycheque or worse, you can't afford to have morals.  You're not proud of that, you don't say it out loud, but it's the truth.

In an ideal world, we'd be able to afford to shop locally.  We'd buy our books from the small bookstores (and those bookstores would be able to stock the books that we wish to buy), we'd buy our clothes from local boutiques (and those boutiques would be able to sell clothes in all sizes), we'd buy our groceries from local grocery stores (and they'd be able to afford to stock the shelves with what we need/want at a competitive price, and we wouldn't have to go to one store to buy produce, another to buy meat, another to buy bread.. so on and so forth.  I find it hard to argue the ethics of shopping locally, when you're driving from store to store to store wasting fuel and polluting the earth with the exhaust from your vehicle), and we'd be able to ALSO rail against big box stores' and their refusal of fair trade practices. 

Having said that, when the choice is my child's well being or someone else's well being the decision will just about always be my child.  Maybe, just maybe, choosing my child will enable him to grow up and go into a profession that provides him with the means and/or opportunity to defend those (possibly even those making wares for Wal-Mart and their ilk) who need defending.

I can live with that, and my child won't want for food, clothing and shelter. 


Writer's Note: 

I have attached links that provide those with the means to donate to organizations that focus on putting an end to child labour, articles about child labour, support fair trade practices, and a list of articles that list items made using fair trade practices.  It's a short list so far but please, if you know of other links that will help educate consumers or aid in the fight for fair trade and a stop to forced/child labour let me know, and I will add it to the list.

UNICEF
Save the Children - India
FairTrade.net
Where to buy Fair Trade products

Don't Underestimate the Power of Romance.

Today I was teasing my fiancé about what he should buy me while he’s on his much envied (yet far more deserved) trip to Las Vegas in a couple of weeks with a friend of his.  I said that he should make me a bear at the Las Vegas Build-a-Bear store.  He seemed a bit thrown that I would actually want a teddy bear, at my age.  Later on, I suggested a couple of other things, but then reiterated the idea of a teddy bear saying, “You can never go wrong with getting a woman a teddy bear, regardless of her age.”  He seemed surprised, and perhaps a tad dismayed, that the Vermont Teddy Bear ads were true.  I thought this would be a good idea for a post.

If you’re dating/married to/living with/related to/are crushing on/know a woman, and you want to give her a gift, I’m telling you (from my own personal experiences, certainly I don’t speak for all women) that you will rarely go wrong with a gift of teddy bears or flowers.  Personally, I find both to be super romantic (when given to me by my partner) and super sweet (when given to me by anyone).  You may think, “Teddy bears? Flowers? But they’ve been done before.  She’ll think I haven’t put any thought into it.” But this is not the way to think.  There are so many ways to make tried and true gifts like flowers and teddy bears original, particularly with companies like Build-a-Bear. 

Here are some tips for teddy bears:

1. Use her favourites as a theme: favourite colour, favourite animal, heck favourite sports team!  If you know that she loves the colour yellow, get her a teddy bear (or bunny, dog... whatever) wearing something yellow.  If you know she thinks bunnies are the cutest things ever then get her a stuffed bunny wearing a yellow slicker or something.  If she hates basketball and is afraid of dogs, but you love both, don’t get her a stuffed puppy wearing a basketball jersey.  Basically, personalize the teddy bear so that she knows you are paying attention to the things she likes and doesn’t like and that that matters to you.
2. Softer is better.   There may be women out there who would prefer a coarse sock monkey, but in most cases the softness of the teddy bear is directly correlated to the length and emphasis of the “Aww!” she will give you. 
3. If you can, don’t order the bear online unless you’re planning on getting it delivered to her place of employment or school.  Try to go to a Build-a-Bear or similar store and pick out all the makings of the teddy bear yourself.  A woman who knows that you “built” this bear yourself will be that much more touched about the gift.  If you’re unable to go to a store go to a website that will allow you to customize the bear to your heart’s (or the woman you are giving this to) content. 

Tips for getting her flowers:

1. Like with the teddy bear, find out her favourites.  Favourite flower, favourite colour, a favourite memory associated with certain flowers and get her something along those lines.  These gifts show her that you listen.  If she’s said she loves potted orchids, don’t get her red carnations. 
2. Wait in line, not online.  If at all possible, go to an actual brick and mortar store to get her the flowers rather than ordering from a website.  I would recommend still having them delivered, but, like with the teddy bears, she’ll be much more touched if she knew that you handpicked the flowers yourself, so to speak.
3. Variety is the spice of life.  While you can’t go wrong with the tried and true dozen, long stemmed, red roses, try mixing up the bouquet a bit.  Whenever I get flowers for someone (I love getting flowers for people), I always try to make the bouquet as customized as possible.  I will grab a premade bouquet as a base that calls out to me (and my budget) and then go around the store adding single stemmed flowers and fillers to build the bouquet.  I avoid getting bouquets of the same flower and colour as much as possible.  Unless, of course, I know that that’s what the recipient prefers. 
4. No do-overs.  Again, unless she’s stated a preference otherwise, don’t get her the same flowers every year.  The first year or two it’s cute, but some women (like me, for instance) start to think after a while that you’re not really trying anymore.  It’s one thing if it’s something she says she wants, or if you have a cute memory about the two of you pertaining to that specific type of bouquet.  But if neither of those describe the woman you’re getting the flowers for, or your relationship with her, start getting her different flowers (or something else all together.  I vote for flowers).
5. This is no place for pragmatism!  If she has allergies to specific (or all) flowers, okay fine, but don’t be practical and pragmatic with flowers.  If the objective is to show her your romantic side, getting her carnations (when you know she hates them) because they last longer, is like a bucket of cold water for her.  Let’s face it, you’re not going to get any play with that.

Pro tip #1:  She will likely brag about you to all of her girlfriends for a lengthy period of time following this.  

Pro tip #2:  If you’re married to/dating/living with/crushing on this woman, get it delivered.  Not only will she be able to brag about how amazing and romantic you are to her girlfriends, she gets to brag about you at work.  Women (I know from my own experiences) love to be able to brag about their partners.  Maybe it’s an instinctual thing, maybe it’s Darwinian, or maybe it’s just plain cattiness.  Nevertheless, give her an excuse to brag about you and as often as you can because she remembers the romantic gestures and the support you give her a lot more than she remembers that time you pissed her off about... Jesus... what was I mad at him about last?  I can’t remember.  

Pro tip #3: Don’t forget the card; especially if you’re getting it delivered!  Always remember to include a card with a quick note showing her you care.  Remember all those painfully boring chick flicks she made you sit through?  Remember when she went “Aww” when the hero sent the heroine the flowers?  Remember when she cried when the heroine read out the card he included?  Yeah.  That’s the goal.  

Pro tip #4: Romance doesn’t automatically equal big sweeping romantic gestures.  Sometimes it is, sure, but sometimes it’s an honest moment filled with love.  I remember the first romantic thing my fiancé did and while I won’t go into specifics, because it’s very personal and special to me, all it was was one sentence.   

Don’t let the romance die.  If you just started dating, or you’ve been married for 65 years, just don’t’ let it die. 

Focused on Can'ts

Because of my temporary disability, I am always filling out various forms and having to answer to so many different people.  The question they always ask is: What can't you do right now? This is such a demoralizing question, as it keeps me rooted in that question, because every time they ask me that question, I have to provide updates on what I can’t do.  For the past three months, that’s been what I’ve been focused on.  What I can’t do.  

Here’s the list:

•  I can’t sit for long periods of time.  The length really depends on the position and chair I am sitting in and my willingness/need to put up with the pain.  I can drive for about 30 minutes, but I’m in discomfort from almost the beginning.  By the time I reach 15-20 minutes, I’m in pain.  I can’t really go beyond 30 minutes.  Not without taking heavy duty pain meds, and then it’s a question of safety because of the meds.  Couches I can’t comfortably sit in, however I can lie down on one.  Office chairs, the chairs at my doctor’s office, at physio are agonizingly uncomfortable. 
•  I can’t swim.  The current and instability and resistance are too much for me.  The hot tub helps, but even walking slow and small steps is awful.  If I go to the pool, which my physiotherapists and doctor wants me to do, I’m in so much pain afterwards I can barely move to a few days afterwards.
• I can’t take my kid to the park.  I do, every now and then (I’ve taken him exactly three times in the past three months), because why suffer for my disability?  When we get home, however, I head straight for bed with a heating pad and lots of medication.
•  I can’t walk more than a few meters without help from my cane.
•  I can’t make dinner for my family, unless it’s something really simple and I’ve had a somewhat pain free day (relatively speaking).
•  I can’t sleep without a heating pad, 2 – 4 morphine pills and a pillow between my knees for when I sleep on my side.
•  I can’t walk up or down stairs without hep from my cane.  Slopes or hills? Forget about it. My hips are put in too awkward of an angle.
•  I can’t ride a bike, go hiking, go to the gym or go horseback riding.  Granted, of the things mentioned, I’ve only been to the gym this past year.
•  I can’t stand for too long.  If I do, my hip starts to throb and my legs start to shake.
• I can’t bend over to pick something up.  Not without doing a really slow pirouette and holding on to a wall or table or something to keep me from falling and to aid me in getting back up.
• I can’t pick up my son. I can’t bend over to give him a hug, or kiss him goodnight.  He needs to climb up on my bed so that I can give him his night time kisses, puppy noses, snuggles and hugs.
•  I can’t afford my bills, or to send my son to daycare so he can hang out with his friends, or to buy little treats for me or my family.  I’ve exhausted most of my options in regards to financial assistance, and am still waiting to see if I’ll be accepted for Long Term Disability.  My fiancé has taken on basically all of the household expenses.  Without him, I’d be pretty screwed right now.
•  I can’t go on vacation this year.  All year since my fiancé got his new job, I’ve been looking forward to going to Las Vegas in the fall with him again.  He took me in 2006 when I was pregnant, and I’ve always wanted to go again with him.  As I go more and more days not working, the dream of actually getting a vacation this year got dimmer and dimmer until all hope of being able to go has been completely snuffed out.  I’m quite bummed out by this.  I try not to dwell on this one too much, but it’s pretty difficult not to. 
•  I can’t plan my wedding this summer. I had been working (with the help of my fiancé) very aggressively on getting rid of a personal debt I had, and I was so freaking close to having it completely paid off.  Once I had accomplished this goal, we were going to start planning our wedding.  I was getting so excited at the prospect of finally sitting down with him and fleshing out a plan.  The longer I stay off work, the more I start to wonder if a wedding is going to happen at all.  It certainly won’t be in the next year.  Not with me not working.  That’s quite depressing.

There are other things on this list, but I’m not able to think of them right now.  The ones I mentioned are the big ones.  The ones I’m faced with almost every day.  My world is all about can’ts right now.  Every day I struggle with depression as I start to see more and more can’ts.  Some days aren’t so bad, some days are scary.  It helps knowing I have allies.  It helps knowing that my fiancé is standing by my side, fighting for me to get better, or to at least make our lives as liveable and as enjoyable as possible with the circumstances presented to us.  It helps knowing that my mom, particularly bad days, is willing to drop everything and just come be an anchor for me; a port in the storm, if you will.  

The more I think about it, actually, the more I realize that I have quite a few ports in the storm.  I am actually quite fortunate.  I’m not so bad off that I’m completely unable to fend for myself.  I’m surrounded by a strong support network; there are a number of people who are willing to help me out.  I still have a roof over my head and food in my fridge.  I live in a country that makes my several trips to the doctor possible.  

I try to keep thinking positive, but with so much negative events appearing in my life in the last 10 (not able to work for a month; fiancé getting laid off; getting injured again, preventing me from working for over 3 months now; getting rear-ended, having my wallet stolen) it’s a lot easier said than done.