I don't understand the motivation of bullies. Is there motivation? Is it really something a "simple" as the bullies themselves are hurting, so they're projecting the hurt onto others?
If this is the accepted reasoning behind bullying, why isn't more being done to acknowledge that and step in? Why is it that the bullying an sadistic natures of the bullies isn't truly addressed until they have killed someone - actively or passively. On that note, why is bullying (that results in death) only looked at as a minor crime, if at all?
I was watching Anderson the other day; the topic was about bullying spurred on by Jamey Rodemeyer's recent suicide. Jamey was bullied for years and finally, at only 14 years old, he reached his breaking point and hung himself from the swing set his parents got from him and his sister when he was 3 years old. His 16 year old sister found his body. His bullies were without remorse, and continued to bully him even after his death saying they were glad he was dead at a homecoming rally.
Why was he bullied? Because he was self aware enough to know, at around the age of 12, that he was gay and was open about it. Instead of being allowed to live his life, he was tormented to the point where he believe he had not alternative but to end his life. Despite the support he had from his family, and some select friends, he honestly thought it doesn't get better.
My kid is about to start school, and I sometimes really worry about how bullying will affect him. Will he be a bully? Will he be bullied? Will he take a stand against bullies? I really hope it's the latter, but I also really hope that if it's the former two, that I will be aware enough as a parent and take steps to stop him from bullying and/or protect him from the bullies. Already I know that my kid's school professes to have a pretty strong stance against bullying, and believe me when I tell you that they will hear from me if they don't.
Jamey had a right to feel safe at his school, just like my child does. His orientation shouldn't have had any affect on his ability to learn, to grow as a person, and to feel acceptance, not only from his peers at his school, but also from the faculty. Too often, when you hear of yet another heartbreaking story of a child who's committed suicide as a result of bullying, you hear of faculty members that turned a blind eye to the tormented child's struggles. Teachers and principals are reported to have told the children to just ignore their bullies. They tell the children to pretend they're straight so that the bullies will leave them alone. They go on about how awful the bullies lives are, making excuses for why the bullies behave abominably.
If a teacher/faculty member at my kid's school makes excuses for why a bully/bullies are treating him like dirt, the staff will have a holy reckoning brought down upon them the likes of which they have never seen before. If a bully creates any issues for my kid, that kid's parents are going to wish they never enrolled their child to my kid's school. They're going to wish that they actually took the time to parent their child so that this mama bear doesn't make their life suck.
Bullies and their parents will be given no quarter* from me.
That's a promise.
*Authors note: This is metaphorical, obviously.
Wednesday, April 11, 2012
Tuesday, January 31, 2012
Parenting in a Social Media Age
This
article is long overdue!
Last summer, I said that I would write a blog post of whatever topic (provided it didn't promote hate in any way) to whoever would make the highest bid to the Mario Marathon through my blog within a certain time frame. Someone I got to know through the marathon and Twitter won the bid, but I have been exceedingly and embarrassingly negligent in my payout. My apologies!
The topic requested is, as the post title says, about parenting in a social media age. There are plenty of ways to approach this topic and as a parent I do have a vested interest in topics such as these, especially as my kid gets older and as parents, my partner and I have to start thinking about how we are going to approach our kid's introduction/involvement in social media.
People have plenty of opinions on when they will allow their child/ren on the internet, whether or not they will supervise their internet usage, if they should get NetNanny or something to that degree, or what have you. I'm not going to go into that tonight. I don't know that there's one right or wrong way to handle that whole can of worms; I'm pretty positive there isn't. Every child is different, I figure the way a parent should approach the topic of internet usage ought to depend on the child themselves.
What I am going to talk about it using social media as a parenting tool. Just a quick qualifier, since I really only use Facebook and Twitter as social media tools, I'm really only going to speak to those two specific social media devices. I know there's Google+, Reddit, Tumblr, StumbleUpon, et al - but I don't use them, so I can't speak to them with any great "authority". So when I say social media, it's shorthand for Facebook and Twitter, mkay?
We've all heard the saying that is takes a village to raise a child, and I really think that social media has made that more true now than it has in a really long time leading up to this. It has enabled parents to build a larger network of parents who we feel comfortable enough to lean on for advice, for a sounding board, or for someone we can commiserate with. From the excitement of announcing that you're going to have/adopt a child and going through the journey of waiting for your new family member to come home, to welcoming the child home, to praying for the day they leave, you have more than just your parents, siblings who are also parents, and Mommy-and-Me friends to lean on.
Not only is your network larger (potentially), but you wind up (potentially) getting a broader range of parenting methods that you wind up being exposed to that you may not have been introduced to before social media blew into town. How many parents these days go to Facebook when their kid has some weird sounding cough, or is having issues with potty training before they go to WebMD or a clinic? I know I have on many occasions (perhaps to the chagrin of my partner on more than one occasion), and I know I will do so in the future.
Like with any form of advice, expert or otherwise, you definitely need to take it with a grain of salt. Understand that what works for your evangelical Christian, public schooling, 3 child friend is likely to be vastly different than what works for your Sikh, Khalsa schooling, 2 child friend and either may or may not work for you, you single child, pantheistic, home schooling, crunchy parent, you. The trick is to use the suggestions given to you by your friends/colleagues/family members as more of an aid to bolster your own ideas on how to deal with your kid yanking on the cat's tail (Pro Tip: Don't do what these parents did). Don't take the advice given as gospel. Even the good advice. Especially the advice that calls itself gospel.
The thing I enjoy the most about asking for/giving parenting advice on social media is that it really helps me to feel like I'm not alone; I suspect I'm not alone in this opinion either. It really goes back to the saying I mentioned earlier about it taking a village. I like that I get to share in my parenting “aha!” moments and frustrations with my friends in Maine equally with my friends here that I actually get to see. I like that we all get to watch our children grow up together, and I like that my friends in California are almost as excited as I am when my child hits some milestone in life, even though they've never actually met my kid.
That last sentence may cause some people to worry about security, and I don't entirely blame them; it's a scary world out there, and you have to be ultra vigilant as a parent. That shouldn't prevent you from seeing social media for the valuable parenting tool it is. It's also entirely possible to keep your child 100% anonymous on the internet, while still reaping the benefits of the social village parenting. I see it being done all the time. Sure, it takes a concerted effort, but it's totally doable. You can seek advice/brag about your child without giving any pertinent details except for possibly a ballparked age and still having people rallying behind you and your child. Try a gender neutral nickname and refer to your child only by that nickname and/or gender neutral pronouns. Frankly, it's probably not a bad idea even if you're not going to go all out in making your kid the next Blanket on the internet. Your kid's accomplishments ought not be determined by what's between their legs, but that's a whole different topic that I will probably talk about at a later date.
Since I'm not going to great lengths to making my kid anonymous on the internet (not on Facebook, at any rate. Here and on Twitter is a different story) I won't try to come up with tips on how to Blanket your child/ren, but I'm sure a few well thought out keywords on a Google search will lead you to a blog somewhere that talks about exactly that. Or, if you'd prefer, ask your friends on Facebook.
Last summer, I said that I would write a blog post of whatever topic (provided it didn't promote hate in any way) to whoever would make the highest bid to the Mario Marathon through my blog within a certain time frame. Someone I got to know through the marathon and Twitter won the bid, but I have been exceedingly and embarrassingly negligent in my payout. My apologies!
The topic requested is, as the post title says, about parenting in a social media age. There are plenty of ways to approach this topic and as a parent I do have a vested interest in topics such as these, especially as my kid gets older and as parents, my partner and I have to start thinking about how we are going to approach our kid's introduction/involvement in social media.
People have plenty of opinions on when they will allow their child/ren on the internet, whether or not they will supervise their internet usage, if they should get NetNanny or something to that degree, or what have you. I'm not going to go into that tonight. I don't know that there's one right or wrong way to handle that whole can of worms; I'm pretty positive there isn't. Every child is different, I figure the way a parent should approach the topic of internet usage ought to depend on the child themselves.
What I am going to talk about it using social media as a parenting tool. Just a quick qualifier, since I really only use Facebook and Twitter as social media tools, I'm really only going to speak to those two specific social media devices. I know there's Google+, Reddit, Tumblr, StumbleUpon, et al - but I don't use them, so I can't speak to them with any great "authority". So when I say social media, it's shorthand for Facebook and Twitter, mkay?
We've all heard the saying that is takes a village to raise a child, and I really think that social media has made that more true now than it has in a really long time leading up to this. It has enabled parents to build a larger network of parents who we feel comfortable enough to lean on for advice, for a sounding board, or for someone we can commiserate with. From the excitement of announcing that you're going to have/adopt a child and going through the journey of waiting for your new family member to come home, to welcoming the child home, to praying for the day they leave, you have more than just your parents, siblings who are also parents, and Mommy-and-Me friends to lean on.
Not only is your network larger (potentially), but you wind up (potentially) getting a broader range of parenting methods that you wind up being exposed to that you may not have been introduced to before social media blew into town. How many parents these days go to Facebook when their kid has some weird sounding cough, or is having issues with potty training before they go to WebMD or a clinic? I know I have on many occasions (perhaps to the chagrin of my partner on more than one occasion), and I know I will do so in the future.
Like with any form of advice, expert or otherwise, you definitely need to take it with a grain of salt. Understand that what works for your evangelical Christian, public schooling, 3 child friend is likely to be vastly different than what works for your Sikh, Khalsa schooling, 2 child friend and either may or may not work for you, you single child, pantheistic, home schooling, crunchy parent, you. The trick is to use the suggestions given to you by your friends/colleagues/family members as more of an aid to bolster your own ideas on how to deal with your kid yanking on the cat's tail (Pro Tip: Don't do what these parents did). Don't take the advice given as gospel. Even the good advice. Especially the advice that calls itself gospel.
The thing I enjoy the most about asking for/giving parenting advice on social media is that it really helps me to feel like I'm not alone; I suspect I'm not alone in this opinion either. It really goes back to the saying I mentioned earlier about it taking a village. I like that I get to share in my parenting “aha!” moments and frustrations with my friends in Maine equally with my friends here that I actually get to see. I like that we all get to watch our children grow up together, and I like that my friends in California are almost as excited as I am when my child hits some milestone in life, even though they've never actually met my kid.
That last sentence may cause some people to worry about security, and I don't entirely blame them; it's a scary world out there, and you have to be ultra vigilant as a parent. That shouldn't prevent you from seeing social media for the valuable parenting tool it is. It's also entirely possible to keep your child 100% anonymous on the internet, while still reaping the benefits of the social village parenting. I see it being done all the time. Sure, it takes a concerted effort, but it's totally doable. You can seek advice/brag about your child without giving any pertinent details except for possibly a ballparked age and still having people rallying behind you and your child. Try a gender neutral nickname and refer to your child only by that nickname and/or gender neutral pronouns. Frankly, it's probably not a bad idea even if you're not going to go all out in making your kid the next Blanket on the internet. Your kid's accomplishments ought not be determined by what's between their legs, but that's a whole different topic that I will probably talk about at a later date.
Since I'm not going to great lengths to making my kid anonymous on the internet (not on Facebook, at any rate. Here and on Twitter is a different story) I won't try to come up with tips on how to Blanket your child/ren, but I'm sure a few well thought out keywords on a Google search will lead you to a blog somewhere that talks about exactly that. Or, if you'd prefer, ask your friends on Facebook.
Thursday, December 29, 2011
A Letter to Amazon.com
I was checking out my Twitter feed today and I stumbled upon an article on Huffington Post that really upset me. It talked about a 2012 calendar that basically spews hatred every month of the year... and that Amazon.com stocks the calendar.
As you may know from some of my previous posts, homophobia really pisses me off so I fired off this email to the Amazon.com customer service account:
If you have an account with Amazon and this upsets you as much as it does me, then I encourage you to send a similar message to Amazon. Tell them, through your money, that you will not tolerate a company that hopes to make money off of intolerance.
As you may know from some of my previous posts, homophobia really pisses me off so I fired off this email to the Amazon.com customer service account:
Hello,
It has today come to my attention that you are selling a 2012 calendar titled "I'm Not Gay, I'm Just a Sissy" (http://www.amazon.ca/Im-Not-Gay-Just-Sissy/dp/1466226641).
This disturbs and disgusts me deeply and I do not wish to have any association with a company that would sell a product of hatred, such as this calendar.
Please tell me that Amazon plans to remove this from their catalog and issue an apology to the LGTB community for their poor judgement in stocking this item in the first place. If this is something Amazon does not intend to do then can you please instruct me as to the steps I must take to have my registration removed from your site. I will not be making any purchases, nor directing my loved ones to the site through my wishlist to make purchases, with a company that advocates hatred and homophobia and, more disturbingly, hopes to make a dollar off of it.
Thank you,
Mindi
If you have an account with Amazon and this upsets you as much as it does me, then I encourage you to send a similar message to Amazon. Tell them, through your money, that you will not tolerate a company that hopes to make money off of intolerance.
Sunday, November 20, 2011
This Christmas...
This Christmas/holiday season I hereby issue a challenge:
Don't buy anything for your loved ones!
Pretty crazy, I know, but hear me out.
Today I finally got around to tackling a task I really don't like doing, which is clearing our kitchen table. It's basically a catchall for junk mail and random doodads that we don't know what to do with just yet. I avoid it as often as possible, but eventually it has to be done. Anyhow, as I was clearing out, I stumbled upon a World Vision gift catalogue. Intrigued, I put it aside while I finished my task at hand.
After finishing, I decided to thumb through the catalogue; what I saw brought me to tears. Even talking to my fiance about it 10 minutes later caused me to break down in tears, yet again. Sure, commercials can make me cry, but that's beside the point. Did you know, that for $30CAD, you can give 10 children the gift of health? For $35CAD, you can give 3 families the gift of self-reliance. Forty five dollars gives the gift of literacy, education, independence, the chance for freedom to a classroom full of children. For only $100CAD, you can give entire communities the gift of life.
So little is needed to give so much to so many people. How many of us have a wish list of things that we want for our birthdays or Christmas (or whatever gift giving celebration you participate in)? How many of us are fretting, thinking, "Oh, god! What am I going to get Mom and Dad this year?" How many of us get nauseated at the idea of having to brave yet another mall excursion to get a $50 toy for your kid, who already has a room full of toys, and who may only play with that toy a half dozen times - if even that much?
Okay yes, not actually getting anything for your kids (the ones who aren't grown, at any rate) may seem a bit harsh, but I do encourage you to think about how much you're willing to spend on everyone, and how much of an impact even a fraction of what you will spend this year will have on people who really do need our help.
How about this? Instead of not buying anyone any gifts this holiday season, consider making a donation to World Vision, or whatever organization you wish to donate to in the name of at least one person on your list. Chances are, they will be moved that someone loved them enough to save a bunch of people in their name.
PS: I have the pleasure of getting to know a person by the name of Cathy on Facebook. She has a business page called Cathy's Creations and she knows, perhaps more than most, the joy helping someone can bring. She puts a fair bit of time (I'm assuming, judging by how many packages she sends out on a weekly basis) into making beautiful bracelets (among many other things). One line of bracelets she makes are "Cause Jewelery". Proceeds from the bracelets goes to various (American) health organizations, children's charities (usually for a specific child who has to spend much of their short life fighting cancer or some other life threatening condition), or awareness efforts. She has touched many, many lives, brought joy and hope to many children and their families, and has inspired a lot of us to get off our duffs and do the same.
I've been off work for nearly 8 months now, but I'm going back soon. One of the first things I'm going to do with my first paycheque is buy a coat for the man who sits outside my local grocery store. I don't know his name, or what brought him to his current situation (though, I can't help but wonder how much he would benefit from more efforts/funding for social housing in our city) but I do know that he is kind to my son, and doesn't have a clean coat to keep him warm and dry. That's all I need to know.
I can't help but wonder if I would have been inspired to do this, had it not been for the inspiration we get from all the kind, selfless, wonderful things she does for so many people. I'm not Christian, Jewish, Muslim, Pagan or Buddhist, but truly believe that Cathy is doing something that transcends humanity.
Don't buy anything for your loved ones!
Pretty crazy, I know, but hear me out.
Today I finally got around to tackling a task I really don't like doing, which is clearing our kitchen table. It's basically a catchall for junk mail and random doodads that we don't know what to do with just yet. I avoid it as often as possible, but eventually it has to be done. Anyhow, as I was clearing out, I stumbled upon a World Vision gift catalogue. Intrigued, I put it aside while I finished my task at hand.
After finishing, I decided to thumb through the catalogue; what I saw brought me to tears. Even talking to my fiance about it 10 minutes later caused me to break down in tears, yet again. Sure, commercials can make me cry, but that's beside the point. Did you know, that for $30CAD, you can give 10 children the gift of health? For $35CAD, you can give 3 families the gift of self-reliance. Forty five dollars gives the gift of literacy, education, independence, the chance for freedom to a classroom full of children. For only $100CAD, you can give entire communities the gift of life.
So little is needed to give so much to so many people. How many of us have a wish list of things that we want for our birthdays or Christmas (or whatever gift giving celebration you participate in)? How many of us are fretting, thinking, "Oh, god! What am I going to get Mom and Dad this year?" How many of us get nauseated at the idea of having to brave yet another mall excursion to get a $50 toy for your kid, who already has a room full of toys, and who may only play with that toy a half dozen times - if even that much?
Okay yes, not actually getting anything for your kids (the ones who aren't grown, at any rate) may seem a bit harsh, but I do encourage you to think about how much you're willing to spend on everyone, and how much of an impact even a fraction of what you will spend this year will have on people who really do need our help.
How about this? Instead of not buying anyone any gifts this holiday season, consider making a donation to World Vision, or whatever organization you wish to donate to in the name of at least one person on your list. Chances are, they will be moved that someone loved them enough to save a bunch of people in their name.
PS: I have the pleasure of getting to know a person by the name of Cathy on Facebook. She has a business page called Cathy's Creations and she knows, perhaps more than most, the joy helping someone can bring. She puts a fair bit of time (I'm assuming, judging by how many packages she sends out on a weekly basis) into making beautiful bracelets (among many other things). One line of bracelets she makes are "Cause Jewelery". Proceeds from the bracelets goes to various (American) health organizations, children's charities (usually for a specific child who has to spend much of their short life fighting cancer or some other life threatening condition), or awareness efforts. She has touched many, many lives, brought joy and hope to many children and their families, and has inspired a lot of us to get off our duffs and do the same.
I've been off work for nearly 8 months now, but I'm going back soon. One of the first things I'm going to do with my first paycheque is buy a coat for the man who sits outside my local grocery store. I don't know his name, or what brought him to his current situation (though, I can't help but wonder how much he would benefit from more efforts/funding for social housing in our city) but I do know that he is kind to my son, and doesn't have a clean coat to keep him warm and dry. That's all I need to know.
I can't help but wonder if I would have been inspired to do this, had it not been for the inspiration we get from all the kind, selfless, wonderful things she does for so many people. I'm not Christian, Jewish, Muslim, Pagan or Buddhist, but truly believe that Cathy is doing something that transcends humanity.
Friday, September 30, 2011
Gay in the Middle East?
The other day, my mother posed this question to me: "If you were a corporate psychiatrist and you just got a job at [major corporation] which required you to work in Qatar, would you be openly gay while there? Would it be safe?"
I thought about it for a few seconds and this was my response: "In an ideal world, yes; you can be openly gay in Qatar and not have to fear persecution or worse. However, we're not living in an ideal world, so there are a few things that need to be considered before answering that question. First, and most importantly, in this equation: DoesQKatar adhere to Sharia Law? If they do (which is pretty much a certainty), how rigidly do they follow the Laws? The next thing to consider is whether or not American owned companies (or companies/corporations that aren't based in the Middle East) and their employees working in Qatar are subject to Sharia Law."
For those who are unaware of Sharia Law and it's importance to those of the Islamic faith, it is the code of conduct and or religious law of Islam. The punishment for acts of sodomy and homosexual activities in Sharia Law varies in different Muslim-majority countries: in some, it's punishable by death; in others, it's illegal and will result in varying sentences; in others still, it's not illegal at all.
My mother and I continued discussing this back and forth, as both of us are staunch supporters of LGBT equality. She expressed concerns that if being open threatens your very life, then maybe it's best to stay closeted until you're back in a land that won't actively persecute based solely on your orientation. Sadly, there are few countries (if any at all) where you can live openly without someone taking issue with your orientation and making it your problem. I'd like to believe that it's easier here in Canada; after all, here you can get married! Dan Savage himself got hitched here. Not being a member of the LGTB community, however, I can't say with absolute certainty that living openly in Canada is all that much easier than living openly in England, USA or Germany. I do believe it's better and easier than in most Muslim-majority countries, however I digress.
My counterpoint to my mother's (legitimate) personal safety concern was this: People who lived openly in the 1950's, 1960's and 1970's in Canada and the US (just as a couple of examples. I'm sure this holds true to many other progressive countries) did so under great risk to their personal safety. Them doing so however, made it possible for people to live openly for the last 20 or so years and it keeps getting better. They were the Rosa Parks', the Jackie Robinson's, the Elizabeth Stanton's of the LGBT communities - and many of them remain nameless today (to those not within the LGTB community at any rate) with the exception, perhaps, of Harvey Milk and Freddie Mercury.
This psychiatrist is certainly not the only gay person living in Qatar. If this man, coming from another country is able to live openly gay, and not have to face any recriminations then it may just provide strength for Qatari men and women to continue or start to live openly. It may provide them with the strength and encouragement for people, gay or straight, to fight for rights (not more rights, because there aren't any right now), acceptance and equality. Someone has to make the first (second, third, four hundredth) move. It certainly won't be an easy fight. The sad reality of it is, fighting for LGBT rights in the Middle East may cost some people their very lives.
People living in fear because of who they are, and who they love really bothers me. When will it stop?
I thought about it for a few seconds and this was my response: "In an ideal world, yes; you can be openly gay in Qatar and not have to fear persecution or worse. However, we're not living in an ideal world, so there are a few things that need to be considered before answering that question. First, and most importantly, in this equation: DoesQKatar adhere to Sharia Law? If they do (which is pretty much a certainty), how rigidly do they follow the Laws? The next thing to consider is whether or not American owned companies (or companies/corporations that aren't based in the Middle East) and their employees working in Qatar are subject to Sharia Law."
For those who are unaware of Sharia Law and it's importance to those of the Islamic faith, it is the code of conduct and or religious law of Islam. The punishment for acts of sodomy and homosexual activities in Sharia Law varies in different Muslim-majority countries: in some, it's punishable by death; in others, it's illegal and will result in varying sentences; in others still, it's not illegal at all.
My mother and I continued discussing this back and forth, as both of us are staunch supporters of LGBT equality. She expressed concerns that if being open threatens your very life, then maybe it's best to stay closeted until you're back in a land that won't actively persecute based solely on your orientation. Sadly, there are few countries (if any at all) where you can live openly without someone taking issue with your orientation and making it your problem. I'd like to believe that it's easier here in Canada; after all, here you can get married! Dan Savage himself got hitched here. Not being a member of the LGTB community, however, I can't say with absolute certainty that living openly in Canada is all that much easier than living openly in England, USA or Germany. I do believe it's better and easier than in most Muslim-majority countries, however I digress.
My counterpoint to my mother's (legitimate) personal safety concern was this: People who lived openly in the 1950's, 1960's and 1970's in Canada and the US (just as a couple of examples. I'm sure this holds true to many other progressive countries) did so under great risk to their personal safety. Them doing so however, made it possible for people to live openly for the last 20 or so years and it keeps getting better. They were the Rosa Parks', the Jackie Robinson's, the Elizabeth Stanton's of the LGBT communities - and many of them remain nameless today (to those not within the LGTB community at any rate) with the exception, perhaps, of Harvey Milk and Freddie Mercury.
This psychiatrist is certainly not the only gay person living in Qatar. If this man, coming from another country is able to live openly gay, and not have to face any recriminations then it may just provide strength for Qatari men and women to continue or start to live openly. It may provide them with the strength and encouragement for people, gay or straight, to fight for rights (not more rights, because there aren't any right now), acceptance and equality. Someone has to make the first (second, third, four hundredth) move. It certainly won't be an easy fight. The sad reality of it is, fighting for LGBT rights in the Middle East may cost some people their very lives.
I dream of a world for my child where anyone, from any country, of any religion, creed, colour or orientation is treated with the same amount of respect.("I have a dream that one day this nation will rise up and live out the true meaning of its creed: "We hold these truths to be self-evident: that all men are created equal.")
I dream of a world for my child where people who have battled through homophobic based persecution can now live in harmony with those who once hated them.("I have a dream that one day on the red hills of Georgia the sons of former slaves and the sons of former slave owners will be able to sit down together at a table of brotherhood.")
I dream of a world for my child where he knows only of war and the fight for equal rights for all is something he reads about in history books.("I have a dream that one day even the state of Mississippi, a desert state, sweltering with the heat of injustice and oppression, will be transformed into an oasis of freedom and justice.")
I dream of a world for my child where he can go to school without fear of bullying. Where LGTBQ kids, as well as straight kids, can walk through the halls with their heads held high.("I have a dream that my four children will one day live in a nation where they will not be judged by the color of their skin but by the content of their character.")
I dream of a world where we don't have to wait for this.("I have a dream today.")
I dream of a world for my child where politicians don't spout words of hate and fight to demoralize, deminish and dehumanize LGTB people. Where they can work side by side with one another and promote peace.("I have a dream that one day the state of Alabama, whose governor's lips are presently dripping with the words of interposition and nullification, will be transformed into a situation where little black boys and black girls will be able to join hands with little white boys and white girls and walk together as sisters and brothers.")
I dream of a world where we don't have to wait for this.
Wednesday, September 14, 2011
That's retarded.
Today, a friend of mine on Facebook shared a wonderful link to another blog. It wasn't a particularly long post, but it had an impact on me.
How many of you, like me, respond to things we disagree with,don't like, think is awful or just have a negative reaction to with, "That's retarded" or, "That's gay"? I'm very guilty of using the latter phrase.
I have a coworker of mine who is an incredibly beautiful man. He's generous (almost to a fault), funny, kind, hard working, always smiling and just plain awesome. He's also gay. For whatever reason, it never occurred to me that when I say "That's gay" that it was hurtful to him. I was using the word gay as a pejorative, and therefore saying that he is someone to think less of. Of course I don't mean or even think that. But I also wasn't thinking of what I was saying.
One day, he was telling me a story about a weird call he had taken, or some not very happy situation in his life that I was commiserating with him on and said "That's gay". He just looked at me and said, "Thanks." Nothing else. He didn't go off on me, didn't tell me off, didn't call me hurtful things, didn't react negatively in any way. That's not his style. He'd sooner gut himself than willingly hurt someone, even if it was in defense of himself. All he said was, "Thanks."
There was so much hurt in that single word. So much disappointment. So much sorrow. And I had caused it. I felt about half an inch tall and immediately apologized for saying that. There was no excuse for saying it. All I could do was beg his forgiveness. Being the amazing guy he is, he accepted my apology and we moved on. I have tried to be more cognizant of my words since then, but I can't promise that I have never used that phrase or "That's retarded" since. It's become such an entrenched part of society's (the Western society at any rate) lexicon that we literally don't know what we're saying when we say it.
Many of my friends have children who have Autism or are on the spectrum or have something in their brains/bodies that keeps them from living like "normal" kids. A lot of my friends do, in fact. Never, never would it occur to me to call them retarded. They're not (not in the way that people think of the word, at any rate - because let's face it, when you hear the word retarded, you're not thinking happy thoughts, are you? It's a sad, and frankly disgusting reality). They're some of the most beautiful kids I've had the pleasure of seeing grow up through pictures, stories and videos posted on Facebook and their respective blogs. They have some of the biggest smiles I have ever seen, and I absolutely love reading stories of them coming to grips with their situation and learning how to cope with it. When their parents struggle, or when they struggle and their parents vent online, I hurt for them. When they're over the moon because their child said "I love you." to them, I rejoice with them.
I don't know how or why "That's retarded" and "That's gay" became an accepted turn of phrase but we really need to think about who we are saying that about, and stop saying it. You wouldn't say "That's so cancerous" or "That's Chinese" as a pejorative, would you? No, because people who run you out of town for saying something like that. You'd be labeled at best insensitive or callous, and at worst a bigot or a racist. Well guess what? Every time you (and I) say "That's gay" and/or "That's retarded" that's exactly what you are. An insensitive, callous, bigot.
Let's end the use of the R word, okay?
How many of you, like me, respond to things we disagree with,don't like, think is awful or just have a negative reaction to with, "That's retarded" or, "That's gay"? I'm very guilty of using the latter phrase.
I have a coworker of mine who is an incredibly beautiful man. He's generous (almost to a fault), funny, kind, hard working, always smiling and just plain awesome. He's also gay. For whatever reason, it never occurred to me that when I say "That's gay" that it was hurtful to him. I was using the word gay as a pejorative, and therefore saying that he is someone to think less of. Of course I don't mean or even think that. But I also wasn't thinking of what I was saying.
One day, he was telling me a story about a weird call he had taken, or some not very happy situation in his life that I was commiserating with him on and said "That's gay". He just looked at me and said, "Thanks." Nothing else. He didn't go off on me, didn't tell me off, didn't call me hurtful things, didn't react negatively in any way. That's not his style. He'd sooner gut himself than willingly hurt someone, even if it was in defense of himself. All he said was, "Thanks."
There was so much hurt in that single word. So much disappointment. So much sorrow. And I had caused it. I felt about half an inch tall and immediately apologized for saying that. There was no excuse for saying it. All I could do was beg his forgiveness. Being the amazing guy he is, he accepted my apology and we moved on. I have tried to be more cognizant of my words since then, but I can't promise that I have never used that phrase or "That's retarded" since. It's become such an entrenched part of society's (the Western society at any rate) lexicon that we literally don't know what we're saying when we say it.
Many of my friends have children who have Autism or are on the spectrum or have something in their brains/bodies that keeps them from living like "normal" kids. A lot of my friends do, in fact. Never, never would it occur to me to call them retarded. They're not (not in the way that people think of the word, at any rate - because let's face it, when you hear the word retarded, you're not thinking happy thoughts, are you? It's a sad, and frankly disgusting reality). They're some of the most beautiful kids I've had the pleasure of seeing grow up through pictures, stories and videos posted on Facebook and their respective blogs. They have some of the biggest smiles I have ever seen, and I absolutely love reading stories of them coming to grips with their situation and learning how to cope with it. When their parents struggle, or when they struggle and their parents vent online, I hurt for them. When they're over the moon because their child said "I love you." to them, I rejoice with them.
I don't know how or why "That's retarded" and "That's gay" became an accepted turn of phrase but we really need to think about who we are saying that about, and stop saying it. You wouldn't say "That's so cancerous" or "That's Chinese" as a pejorative, would you? No, because people who run you out of town for saying something like that. You'd be labeled at best insensitive or callous, and at worst a bigot or a racist. Well guess what? Every time you (and I) say "That's gay" and/or "That's retarded" that's exactly what you are. An insensitive, callous, bigot.
Let's end the use of the R word, okay?
Monday, September 12, 2011
Hug your children tonight.
Faith the Warrior Princess, has lost her battle with cancer today. She was just shy of her ninth birthday, but she decided that she wanted to be ten for her birthday. They celebrated her birthday a few weeks ago, so she and her family had a chance to all be together.
She's just a baby, but she was so strong and seemed to always have a smile in every photo her family has shared with us on Facebook. It's not fair. There aren't any words that can be said that would make it fair.
Yesterday, Kienan was brought back to his mother's loving arms. Today, Faith was taken from her mother's loving arms.
Both are reasons you should go hug your children right now, and every other opportunity you get.
She's just a baby, but she was so strong and seemed to always have a smile in every photo her family has shared with us on Facebook. It's not fair. There aren't any words that can be said that would make it fair.
Yesterday, Kienan was brought back to his mother's loving arms. Today, Faith was taken from her mother's loving arms.
Both are reasons you should go hug your children right now, and every other opportunity you get.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)