Summer Fun (without breaking the bank)

"Summertime is finally here
That old ballpark, man, is back in gear
Out on 49
Man I can see the lights

School's out and the nights roll in
Man, just like a long lost friend
You ain't seen in a while
And can't help but smile..." - Summertime, Kenny Chesney

In my last post, I asked readers to provide me with some suggestions on what to write about next.  While the requests didn't exactly come flooding in (I got all of one, haha!), the request I did get is well in my list of interests that I didn't waste any time getting to it.

The requested topic is <drum roll> (pause for dramatic emphasis) </drum roll>:

Free or cost effective activities to do with your kids during the summer.

With my kiddo (who will be referred to as Mini Moo from here on out) starting summer vacation soon, and my family currently in grey mode* I'm all about having a fun, skint season.  Mini Moo has a 9 week summer break, so I figured I'd list off 45 things (5 activities per week for 9 weeks) that we'll have fun attempting to do over the next couple of months. Here goes:

1. Pack a picnic.  Take it with you to the park, have it in your backyard, or suprise a loved one during their lunch break and bring the picnic to them.
2. Teach your kiddos to ride a bike (if they don't already know how to ride a bike.  If/when they know how, go bike riding)
3. Camp in your backyard, or inside on rainy days.
4. Create a treasure hunt for the kiddos. Do it on your own property or around town.
5. Water fight!!  Who doesn't love a great water fight?  I've been wanted to make sponge bombs for ages, so this is happening this year.  If you don't have these, or want to make them, bring out your water guns, water balloons, or simply grap some empty, cleaned out plastic containers and use those.  
6. Board games are big deal in our house.  This is an ideal way to play on those rainy days.
7. Go swimming.  See if there's a free outdoor pool nearby, and go there.  If there isn't a free one, there's bound to be one that's not too expensive, or just fill up the kiddie pool (if you have one) early in the morning so that the water's not too cold by mid morning, early afternoon.
8. Make your own tie dye tshirt.  Or, if you're not into the tie dye look, design a tshirt however you want to.  Again, a good indoor, rainy day activity.
9. Learn a new word every day. Open a children's dictionary, then have your kiddo close their eyes and point to a word. That word becomes the word of the day. Encourage her to use the word as many times as she can.
10. Have a dance party.  Turn on the tunes, and dance to your hearts content.  This is something that can be both indoors or outdoors.  If you decide to have an outdoor dance party, I would recommend making a cool-off necklace to ward off the summer heat.
11. Visit a fire department.  Most fire hourses will have an open house at least once throughout the summer.  Your kiddos will love being able to climb all over the engines and talking to real live heroes.
12. Build a fort.  Indoor or outdoor, this is a classic kid friendly activity.
13. Take an  "alphabet tour".  With camera(s) and journals in hand, go to the park, local attraction, or mall and begin with the letter A(Apple store), B (bakery), C (City Hall), etc.  When you're done your kiddo has a personal and creative alphabet memory book.
14. Take a nature walk. take along a journal, bring a camera, then go home, identify everything your photographed, create a nature book.
15. Go hiking (tie this in with a nature walk if you want, or do this seperate to the walk)
16. Check out free days at your local museums.
17. Go to the beach.
18. Check out your local hardware store - they offer free kids club building projects.
19. Cook with your kids, but let them plan it, be a part of the shopping, table setting - make dessert!
20. Go fly a kite.
21. Play jacks.  
22. Go to a neighbourhood festival.
23. Blow up Diet coke with mentos.
24. Make sillouettes.
25. Gather friends and have a "clean" the park day - celebrate your good deed with a picnic and play time.
26. Make school related activities fun - create your own matching cards. Use maccaroni for math reinforcement, make a clock with a paper plate, help with geometry by giving building tasks, etc.
27. Have a pajama day, enjoy movies and popcorn (great for a rainy day).
28. Play tennis, soccer, kickball, football, etc.
29. Write a short novel with your child, taking turns writing a chapter (for the older kids).
30. Master the jump rope.  My kidlet is not proficient with the jump rope, I think we'll be working on that a bit this summer.
31. Pick your own fruit (berries, cherries, apples, etc).  We live close to a very rural area where we canpick our own fruit for very little money.  Locally sourced food, ftw!
32. Have a puzzle race. Use 100-piece puzzles and see who finishes first.  I can tell you right now, my kidlet is winning this race.
33. Host the kids' friends for a sleepover. And the maybe your kids will be invited next, giving you a free evening
34. Take road trip to a nearby city. Spend the night if you can or just make it a day trip.
35. Go to the drive-in. If there isn't one nearby, look for one near your vacation spot. Every kid should go to the drive-in at least once!
36. Find a free concert near you.
37. Make paper airplanes. See whose goes the farthest.
38. Climb trees together. Of course, only if the kids are big enough, and you are brave enough.
39. Play croquet on the lawn. And try bocci too.
40. Go to a matinee. Find a bargain movie houses and pay less.
41. Make a lemonade stand (some cities have by-laws about this, so investigate this idea before you present it to your kid(s))
42. Race your Hotwheels
43. Blow bubbles.  Have some creative bubble play outside, like making rainbow bubble snakes
44. Make some sidewalk chalk paint, and go paint your sidewalk.  Mix equal parts cornstarch and water, and add generous amounts of food colouring.  This is dirty play, so make sure your kiddos aren't wearing their Sunday bests.
45. Go to a parade.  No matter where you live in the world, there's bound to be a parade of some sort during the summer months.  See what's happening around town, and talk to your kiddos about what they want to go to.

I'm going to make it my mission to check off at least a dozen things off this list before school starts in fall.  I know, mom of the year award won't be going to me for aspiring for such an uninspiring goal, but hey, at least I'm talking to my kid, right?

I'll report back to you in September to let you know which activities we did, and what I'll be adding to/removing from the list.  If you have any ideas, please do let me know.  If you want me to write about something else, shoot a comment my way, and I'll see about writing it as soon as I get the chance.

Have a great summer everyone, and don't forget, the Mario Marathon starts June 21st at 11 am (EST).  Tune in, donate, and support the chil'ns! 

 * For those who don't know us personally, you're probably unaware of this phrase.  My partner will be writing another post explaining this paradigm at some point.  Stay tuned!

Her Unfull Arms

Her arms are loaded down  -  overflowing  -  bare

But will they every be full?

Knowing her child won't ever be in her loving embrace?

A mother's arms provide love  - comfort  - strength

Her child is now somewhere else  - gone  - taken

Dead

Love a mother when she hugs you

With her unfull arms.

I Don't Understand Bullies

I don't understand the motivation of bullies.  Is there motivation?  Is it really something a "simple" as the bullies themselves are hurting, so they're projecting the hurt onto others?

If this is the accepted reasoning behind bullying, why isn't more being done to acknowledge that and step in?  Why is it that the bullying an sadistic natures of the bullies isn't truly addressed until they have killed someone - actively or passively.  On that note, why is bullying (that results in death) only looked at as a minor crime, if at all?

I was watching Anderson the other day; the topic was about bullying spurred on by Jamey Rodemeyer's recent suicide.  Jamey was bullied for years and finally, at only 14 years old, he reached his breaking point and hung himself from the swing set his parents got from him and his sister when he was 3 years old.  His 16 year old sister found his body.  His bullies were without remorse, and continued to bully him even after his death saying they were glad he was dead at a homecoming rally.

Why was he bullied?  Because he was self aware enough to know, at around the age of 12, that he was gay and was open about it.  Instead of being allowed to live his life, he was tormented to the point where he believe he had not alternative but to end his life.  Despite the support he had from his family, and some select friends, he honestly thought it doesn't get better.

My kid is about to start school, and I sometimes really worry about how bullying will affect him.  Will he be a bully?  Will he be bullied?  Will he take a stand against bullies?  I really hope it's the latter, but I also really hope that if it's the former two, that I will be aware enough as a parent and take steps to stop him from bullying and/or protect him from the bullies.   Already I know that my kid's school professes to have a pretty strong stance against bullying, and believe me when I tell you that they will hear from me if they don't. 

Jamey had a right to feel safe at his school, just like my child does.  His orientation shouldn't have had any affect on his ability to learn, to grow as a person, and to feel acceptance, not only from his peers at his school, but also from the faculty.  Too often, when you hear of yet another heartbreaking story of a child who's committed suicide as a result of bullying, you hear of faculty members that turned a blind eye to the tormented child's struggles.  Teachers and principals are reported to have told the children to just ignore their bullies.  They tell the children to pretend they're straight so that the bullies will leave them alone.  They go on about how awful the bullies lives are, making excuses for why the bullies behave abominably. 

If a teacher/faculty member at my kid's school makes excuses for why a bully/bullies are treating him like dirt, the staff will have a holy reckoning brought down upon them the likes of which they have never seen before.  If a bully creates any issues for my kid, that kid's parents are going to wish they never enrolled their child to my kid's school.  They're going to wish that they actually took the time to parent their child so that this mama bear doesn't make their life suck.

Bullies and their parents will be given no quarter* from me.

That's a promise.






*Authors note:  This is metaphorical, obviously.

Parenting in a Social Media Age

This article is long overdue!

Last summer, I said that I would write a blog post of whatever topic (provided it didn't promote hate in any way) to whoever would make the highest bid to the Mario Marathon through my blog within a certain time frame.  Someone I got to know through the marathon and Twitter won the bid, but I have been exceedingly and embarrassingly negligent in my payout.  My apologies!

The topic requested is, as the post title says, about parenting in a social media age.  There are plenty of ways to approach this topic and as a parent I do have a vested interest in topics such as these, especially as my kid gets older and as parents, my partner and I have to start thinking about how we are going to approach our kid's introduction/involvement in social media.

People have plenty of opinions on when they will allow their child/ren on the internet, whether or not they will supervise their internet usage, if they should get NetNanny or something to that degree, or what have you.  I'm not going to go into that tonight.  I don't know that there's one right or wrong way to handle that whole can of worms; I'm pretty positive there isn't.  Every child is different, I figure the way a parent should approach the topic of internet usage ought to depend on the child themselves.

What I am going to talk about it using social media as a parenting tool.  Just a quick qualifier, since I really only use Facebook and Twitter as social media tools, I'm really only going to speak to those two specific social media devices.  I know there's Google+, Reddit, Tumblr, StumbleUpon, et al - but I don't use them, so I can't speak to them with any great "authority".  So when I say social media, it's shorthand for Facebook and Twitter, mkay?

We've all heard the saying that is takes a village to raise a child, and I really think that social media has made that more true now than it has in a really long time leading up to this.  It has enabled parents to build a larger network of parents who we feel comfortable enough to lean on for advice, for a sounding board, or for someone we can commiserate with.  From the excitement of announcing that you're going to have/adopt a child and going through the journey of waiting for your new family member to come home, to welcoming the child home, to praying for the day they leave, you have more than just your parents, siblings who are also parents, and Mommy-and-Me friends to lean on.

Not only is your network larger (potentially), but you wind up (potentially) getting a broader range of parenting methods that you wind up being exposed to that you may not have been introduced to before social media blew into town.  How many parents these days go to Facebook when their kid has some weird sounding cough, or is having issues with potty training before they go to WebMD or a clinic?  I know I have on many occasions (perhaps to the chagrin of my partner on more than one occasion), and I know I will do so in the future.

Like with any form of advice, expert or otherwise, you definitely need to take it with a grain of salt.  Understand that what works for your evangelical Christian, public schooling, 3 child friend is likely to be vastly different than what works for your Sikh, Khalsa schooling, 2 child friend and either may or may not work for you, you single child, pantheistic, home schooling, crunchy parent, you.  The trick is to use the suggestions given to you by your friends/colleagues/family members as more of an aid to bolster your own ideas on how to deal with your kid yanking on the cat's tail (Pro Tip: Don't do what these parents did).  Don't take the advice given as gospel.  Even the good advice.  Especially the advice that calls itself gospel.

The thing I enjoy the most about asking for/giving parenting advice on social media is that it really helps me to feel like I'm not alone; I suspect I'm not alone in this opinion either.  It really goes back to the saying I mentioned earlier about it taking a village.  I like that I get to share in my parenting “aha!” moments and frustrations with my friends in Maine equally with my friends here that I actually get to see.  I like that we all get to watch our children grow up together, and I like that my friends in California are almost as excited as I am when my child hits some milestone in life, even though they've never actually met my kid.

That last sentence may cause some people to worry about security, and I don't entirely blame them; it's a scary world out there, and you have to be ultra vigilant as a parent.  That shouldn't prevent you from seeing social media for the valuable parenting tool it is.  It's also entirely possible to keep your child 100% anonymous on the internet, while still reaping the benefits of the social village parenting.  I see it being done all the time.  Sure, it takes a concerted effort, but it's totally doable.  You can seek advice/brag about your child without giving any pertinent details except for possibly a ballparked age and still having people rallying behind you and your child.  Try a gender neutral nickname and refer to your child only by that nickname and/or gender neutral pronouns.  Frankly, it's probably not a bad idea even if you're not going to go all out in making your kid the next Blanket on the internet.  Your kid's accomplishments ought not be determined by what's between their legs, but that's a whole different topic that I will probably talk about at a later date.

Since I'm not going to great lengths to making my kid anonymous on the internet (not on Facebook, at any rate.  Here and on Twitter is a different story) I won't try to come up with tips on how to Blanket your child/ren, but I'm sure a few well thought out keywords on a Google search will lead you to a blog somewhere that talks about exactly that.  Or, if you'd prefer, ask your friends on Facebook.

The evils of Wal-Mart

So yesterday, I posted a status on my Facebook.  It was "Wal-Mart + Labour Day = Really Bad Idea!!"  It was unbelievably busy there, yesterday!  It was like it was Boxing Day there.  Busier, in fact! Unfortunately it was unavoidable because I had a prescription that needed filling and Wal-Mart is the cheapest option.   To the uninitiated, Facebook has this feature that will sometimes show you your status (or a friends' status) from exactly a year ago.  I put that post up to A) Warn people to stay away from Wal-Mart that day, to save them a headache and B) To serve as a reminder in case I or my partner gets a thought to go to Wal-Mart next year on Labour Day to stay the hell away.

Turns out this status was incredibly controversial. A well meaning friend of mine took issue with the fact that we spend our money at a place like Wal-Mart.  Other friends, and myself, defended our decisions to shop there.  It wound up being rather heated, so I thought that maybe this is worth a blog post.

I don't think too many people actually like to shop at Wal-Mart.  So often, I see friends posting on their Facebook that they have to go shopping at Wal-Mart and ask us to wish them luck.  Alternatively, I will see posts where they returned from Wal-Mart and they're asking themselves (on Facebook) just what they were thinking going there.  I imagine, if people actually enjoyed shopping at Wal-Mart, the website People of Wal-Mart wouldn't be nearly as popular.  You don't see websites like People of Superstore, People of Sears, People of Zellers.  Shopping at Wal-Mart carries a certain social stigma.

We all know, that Wal-Mart is more concerned with lining their coffers than they are with supporting fair trade, local businesses, ethical business practices.  We all know this.  The fact of the matter is: due to the current financial climate, aforementioned questionable/unethical business practices of big box stores, inability to work/find work, etc. many of us are in a position where we need to weigh our need to support our family and make every dollar stretch as far as possible with our need to stand on ethical/moral high ground.  When you're living from paycheque to paycheque or worse, you can't afford to have morals.  You're not proud of that, you don't say it out loud, but it's the truth.

In an ideal world, we'd be able to afford to shop locally.  We'd buy our books from the small bookstores (and those bookstores would be able to stock the books that we wish to buy), we'd buy our clothes from local boutiques (and those boutiques would be able to sell clothes in all sizes), we'd buy our groceries from local grocery stores (and they'd be able to afford to stock the shelves with what we need/want at a competitive price, and we wouldn't have to go to one store to buy produce, another to buy meat, another to buy bread.. so on and so forth.  I find it hard to argue the ethics of shopping locally, when you're driving from store to store to store wasting fuel and polluting the earth with the exhaust from your vehicle), and we'd be able to ALSO rail against big box stores' and their refusal of fair trade practices. 

Having said that, when the choice is my child's well being or someone else's well being the decision will just about always be my child.  Maybe, just maybe, choosing my child will enable him to grow up and go into a profession that provides him with the means and/or opportunity to defend those (possibly even those making wares for Wal-Mart and their ilk) who need defending.

I can live with that, and my child won't want for food, clothing and shelter. 


Writer's Note: 

I have attached links that provide those with the means to donate to organizations that focus on putting an end to child labour, articles about child labour, support fair trade practices, and a list of articles that list items made using fair trade practices.  It's a short list so far but please, if you know of other links that will help educate consumers or aid in the fight for fair trade and a stop to forced/child labour let me know, and I will add it to the list.

UNICEF
Save the Children - India
FairTrade.net
Where to buy Fair Trade products

Father of Mine

Father of mine
Come talk to me
Father of mine
See what I have come to be
Father of mine
I miss you
Father of mine
Do you think of me, too?
Father of mine
Mom holds my hand
Father of mine
She's with a new man
Father of mine
You have been replaced
Father of mine

I wrote this poem about eleven or twelve years ago when /I was struggling with the relationship I had with my biological father - or lack thereof, really.  A lot has changed since then.  I stopped going to school, got a job, moved out of my parents' house, moved to another city, got another job, met a guy, fell in love, almost died in a car accident, left the guy, moved back to my parents' house, got a new job, met a new guy, fell in love and somewhere along the way, I stopped caring about having a relationship with my biological father.  The most significant change however, was that I had a child.

You change in so many ways when you have a child.  The changes are different for every new parent.  Me, I felt stronger, more focused, less stressed out, more grounded.  those who now me best are probably laughing to themselves a little.  Let's just say... usually I'm less stressed, more grounded, yadda, yadda, yadda. 

One of the most positive changes, I feel, is that I have learned to appreciate my step-father more.  He and my mother have been married for just over 15 years.  He's been a part of our lives for just about 19 years.  Our relationship have been... well indescribable.  For the first few years, we were pals.  Then I entered my teenage years at the same time my kid sister was born.  Now anyone with teenaged daughters know that this is a powder-keg situation just waiting to explode.  Again, anyone with teenaged daughters knows that she will use just about any excuse she can take to explode.  Especially if it means she's going to get her way, or better yet, attention. 

I wasn't a bad kid; I wasn't rebellious, didn't do drugs, didn't get mixed up with the wrong crowd.  I would just get... frustrated at times that my parents (I thought) would get in the way.  Add to that some jealousy towards my kid sister and I would look for someone to blame.  Usually it was my mother who would suffer my teenaged wrath, but there were a couple of memorable times where my step-dad and I would butt heads.

A result of those couple of times was that our initially amicable relationship grew lukewarm; at least on my part.  For his part though, he was really patient.  He was always very aware of the face that a step-father/step-daughter relationship can be very volatile and I guess he knew to wait.

Having a child of my own helped me to realize that my step-dad has always been there for me in exactly the way I needed him to be there.  I have always known that he is a terrific father to my kid sister, but it wasn't until I had my own child that I realized what a great father he has always been to me. 

Everyone knows the adage that any idiot can be a father, but it takes a special man to be a dad.  My biological father may have contributed to my very existence and for that I am forever thankful(though it's my mother to who, I will attribute most of the credit to).  However it is my step-dad I am lucky enough to call Dad (thought it too me a long time to get there).  To  me, that is a wonderful give that I have finally learned to cherish. 

I love you, Dad.  Thanks. 

Dad and I playing hockey, about 16 years ago.