I miss her

I’ve been wanting to write a post about religion, and the absence of it in my life.  This is my third attempt.  I can’t put into words how I feel.  I don’t believe in God. I used to.  I’ve been hurt by religion.  I walked away and haven’t looked back.  It’s not as simple as that, but maybe that’s all I need to say about that.

The reason I’ve been struggling with this post for the past week and a half is because today is the 8th anniversary of my friend’s suicide.  It’s such a weird time of year for me, since Mini Moo’s birthday falls less than a week prior to that.  So there’s this huge build up to the kid’s birthday; days, weeks, months of planning the party (I went a bit nuts this year) and what gifts to get and an almost immediate crash into missing my friend even more than normal.

This year it’s even harder for me.  I know someone who’s struggling with suicide.  I don’t know this person well, but someone who’s really important to me knows this person really well.  He’s a young person who doesn’t fully realize the impact suicide has on the people left behind.  I miss my friend all the time.  There are times where it’s so bad, I can’t function properly.  There are times I’m so angry at her that I want to punch things, throw things, destroy things.  I can’t yell at her, so what other option do I have?  Most of all, I miss talking to her.

She was funny, so smart, loved animals, being active, and being with her friends.  She adored her family.  She had her own business.  She was a light.  She struggled with depression and thoughts of suicide.  She had a hard time finding her own identity.  She believed in God, but had a lot of questions that couldn’t be answered.

And now she’s gone.

We can’t ever talk to her over the phone.  We can’t post stupid quizzes on her Facebook wall and find out what flower she is (she’d be a green tulip).  Her family can’t hug her.  Her pain made her blind to all the amazing things she brought to this world, and she took that from us.  I’ll love her forever, and I’ll never stop mourning her death.  But I don’t think I’ll ever forgive her for that moment of selfishness.

I wish I could grab this kid by the shoulders and say, “Don’t you dare!! Don’t you dare deprive the world of all you have to offer! Don’t you dare leave a hole in the hearts of your family and friends that will never be filled!”  I have talked to him about how suicide has impacted me and my friends.  One of my best friends has also talked to him about her own experiences with suicide.  He listens to us, and all the people who are trying to help him, but I worry he doesn’t hear us.

Like with my friend, he can’t see past the wall of pain.  All he knows is that living... that taking that next breath... is just too hard.  He’s convinced that people won’t give a shit if he lives or dies.  He thinks those who love him will move on in no time, and things will be better for everyone around him.

Unfortunately when someone’s in such a dark hole, there’s little that can be said to that person to convince them otherwise.  All we can do is love them, give them as much support and encouragement as we can, and try to show them how our lives are so much richer with them in it.  My life will never be the same without my friend in it.  The same is true for her family and friends.  The same would be true if this kid does the unthinkable.  Many lives will be profoundly impacted by his loss.  I just hope he realizes this before it’s too late.

If you’re in a scary place, please know that you’re not alone.  There are people who are there to help you.  If you feel you can’t talk to your family and friends, there are help lines you can call.  You can go to the hospital.  You can call the police.  You can talk to a teacher or counselor at school.  Please don’t convince yourself that no one will help and please don’t stop asking for help. There will be someone who can help.

If you are thinking of hurting yourself, please call someone for help.
If you suspect someone around you may be suicidal and you don’t know what to do, please call someone for help. 

Below is a list of resources that you can use for help.

Kids Help Phone (Canada)

Canadian Association for Suicide Prevention (Canada)

National Suicide Prevention Lifeline (USA)

American Foundation for Suicide Prevention (USA)

Papyrus (UK)

Samaritans (UK)

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For resources close to you, wherever you are in Canada click here
List of suicide crisis lines by country
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If your country isn’t listed, and you would like me to include them on my list, please leave a comment below and I will do what I can to include a national number or resource on this post.

Someone loves you.  Even if it’s someone you don’t know or haven’t met yet.  Trust me in this.


I love you.

Taco Stuffed Pasta Shells

I got this recipe from SAOrganics.com.  You can make this as mild or as flavourful (read: spicy) as you like.  We tend to like things on the milder side, so I reduced the amount of the dry taco seasoning, and used mild salsa and taco sauce).  My guys are picky eaters, and both (especially Mini-Moo!) really liked this dish.  

I'm definitely making this one again!  I promised some friends the recipe, so without further ado, here it is.  My notes are in Italics.

I forgot to take a picture of the dish, so I used the photo from momsownwords.com

1 lb. ground beef or turkey (I used ground chicken – because I’m a rebel like that)
1/4 cup taco seasoning, 1 envelope (we’re sissies, so I just used a bit of the seasoning – this is really according to taste)
4 oz. cream cheese, cubed (or scooped or whatever...who has time to cube?)
12 Jumbo Pasta shells, cooked according to package instructions (I just used the entire box of jumbo shells. It effectively more than doubles the recipe, but I think there was just too much filling for just 12 shells)
1 cup salsa
1 cup taco sauce*
1 cup shredded cheddar cheese
1 cup shredded Jack cheese (I didn’t have any Jack cheese.  Just use whatever the heck cheese you want; we used marble.  You can make this recipe over and over again – and depending on what cheeses you use, it can really change the dish.)

1 can tomato sauce.  (I added this because I wanted it to be a pasta dish with a Tex-Mex flavour, not a Tex-Mex made with pasta)

Optional Toppings: ( I totally didn’t see this!!)

1 1/2 cup crushed tortilla chips
1 cup sour cream
3 green onions, chopped
sliced olives
guacamole
sliced avocados
tomatoes

Directions

1. In a skillet brown meat over medium heat. Add taco seasoning (* I added the taco sauce in this step) and mix to combine. Add cubed cream cheese, cover and simmer so cream cheese can melt. Remove from heat and cool.

2. Fill cooked shells with about 1-2 T. of meat mixture (I used about ¾ tbsp per shell). In a 9×13 glass baking dish pour salsa to coat the bottom of dish. Place filled taco shells on top then add taco sauce tomato sauce. Cover and bake @ 350 for 30 minutes. Remove from oven, uncover, and sprinkle cheese on top, return to oven for another 15 minutes or until cheese is melted and bubbly. Serve with sour cream, and toppings of your choice.

3. Enjoy!

Grey Mode

As I mentioned in my last post, my family on occasion goes into Grey Mode.  My partner was awesome enough to ghost write another post that explains what that is all about.  Enjoy!

Simply put, grey mode is the low power mode from Star Trek: Voyager. Now, I’m not one to quote or refer to Voyager so this must be a pretty serviceable metaphor for me to call back to that train wreck of a show.

For my family grey mode refers to a different way of approaching spending, resources, and entertainment.

On the spending front we don’t buy anything frivolous and are efficient with every penny we spend. This means if there’s an essential we need we get the best per unit price – sometimes this means buying half a decade’s worth of bar soap at once resulting in a high short term expenditure that saves money in the long term and sometimes it means just getting the no name brand. For things like food that we will need eventually we use what we call trigger prices. For example we won’t buy a certain size bag of chips for more than $2.50 but if we see it below that price we buy it regardless of whether we need it now or not, we’ll use it eventually and a good price may be a long time away from returning.

Family resources are used in a similarly pragmatic way – we avoid waste and use things into the ground.
Squeeze every last drop of dish soap from the bottle, use that towel until it has a hole in it even if the colour is faded, that kind of thing.

Thus far, this probably just sounds like simple austerity measures and that’s true but you’d be surprised how many people find this hard to do whether in the short or long term.

The third category, entertainment, is where you really see some benefits during the process that don’t just involve your bank account. Entertainment during grey mode focuses on one thing: enjoying what we already have. Never finished that video game? Well now you have the time. How about that blu-ray you bought years ago, watched once, and forgot most of? What about that book you really enjoyed? That board game that was fun but you only played once? The list goes on. If you’re anything like my family your house contains untold entertainment treasures waiting to be enjoyed more fully than before. Sure, you could spend $10 on another new blu-ray but will you ever fully get all the enjoyment or value out of that if you watch it once and forget about it? Your entertainment collection was built by you, you’re going to enjoy it and you’ll very likely be quite surprised by how much.

And then once that injury is healed, new job found, or debt paid off and grey mode ends you’ll more fully appreciate it when you can spend money more freely again and you’ll still realize further savings from those bulk purchases. And maybe if you’re very lucky you’ll be able to experience the opposite of grey mode – gopher mode.


Blogger's Note: The Mario Marathon starts in just over two days.  Please consider donating through my blog to raise money for children's hospitals around the globe.
 

Summer Fun (without breaking the bank)

"Summertime is finally here
That old ballpark, man, is back in gear
Out on 49
Man I can see the lights

School's out and the nights roll in
Man, just like a long lost friend
You ain't seen in a while
And can't help but smile..." - Summertime, Kenny Chesney

In my last post, I asked readers to provide me with some suggestions on what to write about next.  While the requests didn't exactly come flooding in (I got all of one, haha!), the request I did get is well in my list of interests that I didn't waste any time getting to it.

The requested topic is <drum roll> (pause for dramatic emphasis) </drum roll>:

Free or cost effective activities to do with your kids during the summer.

With my kiddo (who will be referred to as Mini Moo from here on out) starting summer vacation soon, and my family currently in grey mode* I'm all about having a fun, skint season.  Mini Moo has a 9 week summer break, so I figured I'd list off 45 things (5 activities per week for 9 weeks) that we'll have fun attempting to do over the next couple of months. Here goes:

1. Pack a picnic.  Take it with you to the park, have it in your backyard, or suprise a loved one during their lunch break and bring the picnic to them.
2. Teach your kiddos to ride a bike (if they don't already know how to ride a bike.  If/when they know how, go bike riding)
3. Camp in your backyard, or inside on rainy days.
4. Create a treasure hunt for the kiddos. Do it on your own property or around town.
5. Water fight!!  Who doesn't love a great water fight?  I've been wanted to make sponge bombs for ages, so this is happening this year.  If you don't have these, or want to make them, bring out your water guns, water balloons, or simply grap some empty, cleaned out plastic containers and use those.  
6. Board games are big deal in our house.  This is an ideal way to play on those rainy days.
7. Go swimming.  See if there's a free outdoor pool nearby, and go there.  If there isn't a free one, there's bound to be one that's not too expensive, or just fill up the kiddie pool (if you have one) early in the morning so that the water's not too cold by mid morning, early afternoon.
8. Make your own tie dye tshirt.  Or, if you're not into the tie dye look, design a tshirt however you want to.  Again, a good indoor, rainy day activity.
9. Learn a new word every day. Open a children's dictionary, then have your kiddo close their eyes and point to a word. That word becomes the word of the day. Encourage her to use the word as many times as she can.
10. Have a dance party.  Turn on the tunes, and dance to your hearts content.  This is something that can be both indoors or outdoors.  If you decide to have an outdoor dance party, I would recommend making a cool-off necklace to ward off the summer heat.
11. Visit a fire department.  Most fire hourses will have an open house at least once throughout the summer.  Your kiddos will love being able to climb all over the engines and talking to real live heroes.
12. Build a fort.  Indoor or outdoor, this is a classic kid friendly activity.
13. Take an  "alphabet tour".  With camera(s) and journals in hand, go to the park, local attraction, or mall and begin with the letter A(Apple store), B (bakery), C (City Hall), etc.  When you're done your kiddo has a personal and creative alphabet memory book.
14. Take a nature walk. take along a journal, bring a camera, then go home, identify everything your photographed, create a nature book.
15. Go hiking (tie this in with a nature walk if you want, or do this seperate to the walk)
16. Check out free days at your local museums.
17. Go to the beach.
18. Check out your local hardware store - they offer free kids club building projects.
19. Cook with your kids, but let them plan it, be a part of the shopping, table setting - make dessert!
20. Go fly a kite.
21. Play jacks.  
22. Go to a neighbourhood festival.
23. Blow up Diet coke with mentos.
24. Make sillouettes.
25. Gather friends and have a "clean" the park day - celebrate your good deed with a picnic and play time.
26. Make school related activities fun - create your own matching cards. Use maccaroni for math reinforcement, make a clock with a paper plate, help with geometry by giving building tasks, etc.
27. Have a pajama day, enjoy movies and popcorn (great for a rainy day).
28. Play tennis, soccer, kickball, football, etc.
29. Write a short novel with your child, taking turns writing a chapter (for the older kids).
30. Master the jump rope.  My kidlet is not proficient with the jump rope, I think we'll be working on that a bit this summer.
31. Pick your own fruit (berries, cherries, apples, etc).  We live close to a very rural area where we canpick our own fruit for very little money.  Locally sourced food, ftw!
32. Have a puzzle race. Use 100-piece puzzles and see who finishes first.  I can tell you right now, my kidlet is winning this race.
33. Host the kids' friends for a sleepover. And the maybe your kids will be invited next, giving you a free evening
34. Take road trip to a nearby city. Spend the night if you can or just make it a day trip.
35. Go to the drive-in. If there isn't one nearby, look for one near your vacation spot. Every kid should go to the drive-in at least once!
36. Find a free concert near you.
37. Make paper airplanes. See whose goes the farthest.
38. Climb trees together. Of course, only if the kids are big enough, and you are brave enough.
39. Play croquet on the lawn. And try bocci too.
40. Go to a matinee. Find a bargain movie houses and pay less.
41. Make a lemonade stand (some cities have by-laws about this, so investigate this idea before you present it to your kid(s))
42. Race your Hotwheels
43. Blow bubbles.  Have some creative bubble play outside, like making rainbow bubble snakes
44. Make some sidewalk chalk paint, and go paint your sidewalk.  Mix equal parts cornstarch and water, and add generous amounts of food colouring.  This is dirty play, so make sure your kiddos aren't wearing their Sunday bests.
45. Go to a parade.  No matter where you live in the world, there's bound to be a parade of some sort during the summer months.  See what's happening around town, and talk to your kiddos about what they want to go to.

I'm going to make it my mission to check off at least a dozen things off this list before school starts in fall.  I know, mom of the year award won't be going to me for aspiring for such an uninspiring goal, but hey, at least I'm talking to my kid, right?

I'll report back to you in September to let you know which activities we did, and what I'll be adding to/removing from the list.  If you have any ideas, please do let me know.  If you want me to write about something else, shoot a comment my way, and I'll see about writing it as soon as I get the chance.

Have a great summer everyone, and don't forget, the Mario Marathon starts June 21st at 11 am (EST).  Tune in, donate, and support the chil'ns! 

 * For those who don't know us personally, you're probably unaware of this phrase.  My partner will be writing another post explaining this paradigm at some point.  Stay tuned!

Her Unfull Arms

Her arms are loaded down  -  overflowing  -  bare

But will they every be full?

Knowing her child won't ever be in her loving embrace?

A mother's arms provide love  - comfort  - strength

Her child is now somewhere else  - gone  - taken

Dead

Love a mother when she hugs you

With her unfull arms.

I Don't Understand Bullies

I don't understand the motivation of bullies.  Is there motivation?  Is it really something a "simple" as the bullies themselves are hurting, so they're projecting the hurt onto others?

If this is the accepted reasoning behind bullying, why isn't more being done to acknowledge that and step in?  Why is it that the bullying an sadistic natures of the bullies isn't truly addressed until they have killed someone - actively or passively.  On that note, why is bullying (that results in death) only looked at as a minor crime, if at all?

I was watching Anderson the other day; the topic was about bullying spurred on by Jamey Rodemeyer's recent suicide.  Jamey was bullied for years and finally, at only 14 years old, he reached his breaking point and hung himself from the swing set his parents got from him and his sister when he was 3 years old.  His 16 year old sister found his body.  His bullies were without remorse, and continued to bully him even after his death saying they were glad he was dead at a homecoming rally.

Why was he bullied?  Because he was self aware enough to know, at around the age of 12, that he was gay and was open about it.  Instead of being allowed to live his life, he was tormented to the point where he believe he had not alternative but to end his life.  Despite the support he had from his family, and some select friends, he honestly thought it doesn't get better.

My kid is about to start school, and I sometimes really worry about how bullying will affect him.  Will he be a bully?  Will he be bullied?  Will he take a stand against bullies?  I really hope it's the latter, but I also really hope that if it's the former two, that I will be aware enough as a parent and take steps to stop him from bullying and/or protect him from the bullies.   Already I know that my kid's school professes to have a pretty strong stance against bullying, and believe me when I tell you that they will hear from me if they don't. 

Jamey had a right to feel safe at his school, just like my child does.  His orientation shouldn't have had any affect on his ability to learn, to grow as a person, and to feel acceptance, not only from his peers at his school, but also from the faculty.  Too often, when you hear of yet another heartbreaking story of a child who's committed suicide as a result of bullying, you hear of faculty members that turned a blind eye to the tormented child's struggles.  Teachers and principals are reported to have told the children to just ignore their bullies.  They tell the children to pretend they're straight so that the bullies will leave them alone.  They go on about how awful the bullies lives are, making excuses for why the bullies behave abominably. 

If a teacher/faculty member at my kid's school makes excuses for why a bully/bullies are treating him like dirt, the staff will have a holy reckoning brought down upon them the likes of which they have never seen before.  If a bully creates any issues for my kid, that kid's parents are going to wish they never enrolled their child to my kid's school.  They're going to wish that they actually took the time to parent their child so that this mama bear doesn't make their life suck.

Bullies and their parents will be given no quarter* from me.

That's a promise.






*Authors note:  This is metaphorical, obviously.

Parenting in a Social Media Age

This article is long overdue!

Last summer, I said that I would write a blog post of whatever topic (provided it didn't promote hate in any way) to whoever would make the highest bid to the Mario Marathon through my blog within a certain time frame.  Someone I got to know through the marathon and Twitter won the bid, but I have been exceedingly and embarrassingly negligent in my payout.  My apologies!

The topic requested is, as the post title says, about parenting in a social media age.  There are plenty of ways to approach this topic and as a parent I do have a vested interest in topics such as these, especially as my kid gets older and as parents, my partner and I have to start thinking about how we are going to approach our kid's introduction/involvement in social media.

People have plenty of opinions on when they will allow their child/ren on the internet, whether or not they will supervise their internet usage, if they should get NetNanny or something to that degree, or what have you.  I'm not going to go into that tonight.  I don't know that there's one right or wrong way to handle that whole can of worms; I'm pretty positive there isn't.  Every child is different, I figure the way a parent should approach the topic of internet usage ought to depend on the child themselves.

What I am going to talk about it using social media as a parenting tool.  Just a quick qualifier, since I really only use Facebook and Twitter as social media tools, I'm really only going to speak to those two specific social media devices.  I know there's Google+, Reddit, Tumblr, StumbleUpon, et al - but I don't use them, so I can't speak to them with any great "authority".  So when I say social media, it's shorthand for Facebook and Twitter, mkay?

We've all heard the saying that is takes a village to raise a child, and I really think that social media has made that more true now than it has in a really long time leading up to this.  It has enabled parents to build a larger network of parents who we feel comfortable enough to lean on for advice, for a sounding board, or for someone we can commiserate with.  From the excitement of announcing that you're going to have/adopt a child and going through the journey of waiting for your new family member to come home, to welcoming the child home, to praying for the day they leave, you have more than just your parents, siblings who are also parents, and Mommy-and-Me friends to lean on.

Not only is your network larger (potentially), but you wind up (potentially) getting a broader range of parenting methods that you wind up being exposed to that you may not have been introduced to before social media blew into town.  How many parents these days go to Facebook when their kid has some weird sounding cough, or is having issues with potty training before they go to WebMD or a clinic?  I know I have on many occasions (perhaps to the chagrin of my partner on more than one occasion), and I know I will do so in the future.

Like with any form of advice, expert or otherwise, you definitely need to take it with a grain of salt.  Understand that what works for your evangelical Christian, public schooling, 3 child friend is likely to be vastly different than what works for your Sikh, Khalsa schooling, 2 child friend and either may or may not work for you, you single child, pantheistic, home schooling, crunchy parent, you.  The trick is to use the suggestions given to you by your friends/colleagues/family members as more of an aid to bolster your own ideas on how to deal with your kid yanking on the cat's tail (Pro Tip: Don't do what these parents did).  Don't take the advice given as gospel.  Even the good advice.  Especially the advice that calls itself gospel.

The thing I enjoy the most about asking for/giving parenting advice on social media is that it really helps me to feel like I'm not alone; I suspect I'm not alone in this opinion either.  It really goes back to the saying I mentioned earlier about it taking a village.  I like that I get to share in my parenting “aha!” moments and frustrations with my friends in Maine equally with my friends here that I actually get to see.  I like that we all get to watch our children grow up together, and I like that my friends in California are almost as excited as I am when my child hits some milestone in life, even though they've never actually met my kid.

That last sentence may cause some people to worry about security, and I don't entirely blame them; it's a scary world out there, and you have to be ultra vigilant as a parent.  That shouldn't prevent you from seeing social media for the valuable parenting tool it is.  It's also entirely possible to keep your child 100% anonymous on the internet, while still reaping the benefits of the social village parenting.  I see it being done all the time.  Sure, it takes a concerted effort, but it's totally doable.  You can seek advice/brag about your child without giving any pertinent details except for possibly a ballparked age and still having people rallying behind you and your child.  Try a gender neutral nickname and refer to your child only by that nickname and/or gender neutral pronouns.  Frankly, it's probably not a bad idea even if you're not going to go all out in making your kid the next Blanket on the internet.  Your kid's accomplishments ought not be determined by what's between their legs, but that's a whole different topic that I will probably talk about at a later date.

Since I'm not going to great lengths to making my kid anonymous on the internet (not on Facebook, at any rate.  Here and on Twitter is a different story) I won't try to come up with tips on how to Blanket your child/ren, but I'm sure a few well thought out keywords on a Google search will lead you to a blog somewhere that talks about exactly that.  Or, if you'd prefer, ask your friends on Facebook.

Hug your children tonight.

Faith the Warrior Princess, has lost her battle with cancer today.  She was just shy of her ninth birthday, but she decided that she wanted to be ten for her birthday.  They celebrated her birthday a few weeks ago, so she and her family had a chance to all be together.

She's just a baby, but she was so strong and seemed to always have a smile in every photo her family has shared with us on Facebook.  It's not fair.  There aren't any words that can be said that would make it fair. 

Yesterday, Kienan was brought back to his mother's loving arms.  Today, Faith was taken from her mother's loving arms.

Both are reasons you should go hug your children right now, and every other opportunity you get.

9/11

I remember exactly what I was doing, where I was and what I was thinking/feeling on 9/11. 

I was 18 years old, and I had spent the night at a former friend's house.  I was crashing on the couch, and her dad just came in from his early morning job delivering news papers.  I used the crash at their house a lot, so I was used to hearing her dad coming in at around 6am.  Normally, I'd just ignore the noise he made and go back to sleep.   On rare occasions I'd say a quick hello, ask him how his day was and then go back to sleep.

This time, it was different.  He came in and immediately woke me up and said, "You need to turn on the TV.  Now."  I was stunned, but did as he said.  I asked him if there was any channel in particular he wanted me to go to and he told me to turn it on to MSNBC.  As I was still pushing away the cobwebs of sleep I was having a hard time really latching on to what was being talked about, but everyone was sounding very tense and worried.  Then, I saw it.  The backdrop to the coverage was a live image of the Twin Towers.  On one of them was a huge plume of smoke. 

"Is that....?" I asked.

"Yeah.  A plane crashed into one of the Twin Towers.  They think it was an accident, but they're not sure." the dad replies. 

"When did this happen?  Do they know who did it?" I'm completely glued to the TV at this point. 

"It just happened.  I heard about it on the radio as I was driving home.  I don't think they know who did it, yet."

We sat there watching the news, quietly contemplating all the repercussions of this.  How many people were hurt?  What happened to the pilot?  Was there something wrong with the plane?  A thousand thoughts, feelings, concerns, questions were racing through my head and then the second plane hit.  I couldn't believe it.  Two planes??  Right then, I knew.  Everything will be forever changed.  In less than ten minutes, the way we look at the world won't ever be the same.  There was no question any more.  This was an attack.

What was really difficult for me was watching the anchor people really struggle with what they were seeing.  I think Brian Williams was on that morning, along with another woman and they didn't have a clue of what to say.  They were seeing this at the exact time we were, so they had no time to process what they were seeing.  No time to compose themselves.  No time to come to terms with the fact that one of their city's greatest landmarks was literally going up in smoke. 

My friend woke up and came out of her room at this point.  I can't remember who got her; it may have been me.  I told her what had happened and it was around this point that we learned about the other planes going down in Pennsylvanian and the Pentagon.  Everyone was quiet in the house.  My friend's toddler son was up and being loud (as toddlers are wont to do) so she put him in their room to play with his toys as we all watched in horror.  More and more footage was coming in, and more and more people were calling in.  Experts, witnesses, politicians.  All of them were trying to keep their cool as they were seeing what was happening.  

Tunnels, bridges, borders, airports; everything was shutting down.  America was locking it's doors. 

It seemed like we were watching the news for days when, two hours after the first plane hit, the southern tower collapsed in itself.  What was odd was the that people watching the coverage were aware of it before the anchor people.  Tears came to my eyes as I watched, knowing that if someone survived that, it would be a miracle. As reports came in that the tower had indeed collapsed, the anchor people just couldn't believe what they were hearing and seeing.  They kept asking the people who were reporting this if they meant something had fallen off the building, or if just a part of the building collapsed, and the people reporting would say, "No. The whole building has collapsed.  There's nothing left.  It's gone."  You could hear them fight back tears as they were fighting to stay professional, trying not to incite fear or panic from their viewers. 

September 11th has always had special meaning to me.  My older brother's birthday was that day.  One of my oldest friends birthday was that day also.  I have always had a reason to celebrate and be thankful for September 11th.  As I was watching New York go up in a plume of smoke, my thoughts went out to these two very important people in my life and about what was possibly going through their minds.  Were they feeling guilty for celebrating their birthdays?  Would they even want to celebrate it anymore?  Would they feel like they shouldn't?  I imagine I would be thinking along those lines if this happened on my birthday.

2,996 died as a result of the 9/11 attacks.  2,977 were innocent victims.  The number of victims of the attacks perhaps cannot be counted.  So many families are grieving the loss of their loved ones who died on that day.  So many people who managed to survive the attacks will be forever haunted by what happened that day. So many people were injured that day, have suffered or perhaps are still suffering from survivor's guilt, post traumatic stress disorder.  Many of those people will forever wear a scar on their bodies that mark that day.  Dozens, if not hundreds, of firefighters, police officers, paramedics, doctors, nurses and other medical, emergency and military personnel have died or were injured as a result of trying to save as many people as they could from the attacks. 

Children lost their parents.  Parents lost their children. 

Everyone around the world watched the day the world changed, just like I did.


*****Writer's Note*****

For many in BC, while this is a day for remembering, it's also a day of joy as a little boy was returned to his parent's loving arms.  Kienan Hebert has been found!  Sparwood RCMP received a call at around 2:00am this morning and were told that Kienan was brought back to his family home.  The Heberts were staying at a friends' house down the road and they saw a large police presence in front of their house.  They went over to their house to see what was going on and they saw Kienan, in the living room, holding his blankie. 

The suspect, still believed to be Randall Hopley, is still at large so please keep your eyes out for him and let the police know if you spot him or his vehicle, a light brown 1987 Toyota Camry, BC License plate 098 RAL.